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Benefits of personal giving have been well documented for years, but what about shared giving! Scripture discusses giving! Scientific research reveals physical and emotional benefits to a “giver” are not limited to reduced blood pressure, decreased stress and anxiety levels, increased contentment, and increased serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin chemicals for our brains. Some have even found it to aid in immune system function! There are many variables but the two most common seem to be one’s definition of a “gift” and financial or other physical resources.
Now let’s look at shared giving! What is it? Shared giving is when two or more individuals join together to give to someone or something they both care about and it multiplies the benefits! If all the above benefits come from individual giving, what benefits occur when it is shared? A majority of key communication components are an overflow or outpouring of a shared giving experience within parent-child relationships. In this post, we are going to explore some communication skills that are most deeply impacted by shared giving as well as some practical ways to build these into your family framework through the holiday season. You can see a more exhaustive list of Key Targets and their long term benefits by clicking here.
First, a shared giving experience between a parent and child increases the bond in the relationship, across the lifespan. It provides a collaborative target and teamwork as both individuals focus on the same goal and share esteem for the person who will be the recipient of the gift. Cognitively this affects the brain by placing factual memory markers about any objects they are giving and the plans associated. It also places emotional memory markers that link the “givers” to each other when they thing of either the recipient or the item being given.
Second, shared giving strengthens problem solving skills and consideration skills in the “givers”. As they work through dividing the resources (i.e. time, money, skills, etc.) they are expanding their ability to categorize and self-evaluate. They are allowed space to share thoughts and stretch views of what defines a “gift”. The shared experience elicits conversations that allow them to know each other better and deepens their understanding of the other’s perspectives. Lastly, the consideration is amplified as they get to experience the act of giving using more that one of their senses: feeling it internally while also watching it externally as their team member gives. My favorite places to observe this is between and elderly person and their caregiver. I have watched it revive both the confidence of the patient and the respect of the family caregiver toward the patient. It is also amazing how shared giving shifts both their minds off the more personal ailments and struggles and focuses them on other people and their needs. The patient and caregiver begin to exhibit thankfulness, joy, and even contentment which produces endorphins and other helpful chemicals in their brains and bodies, bringing energy, refreshment, and even better rest physically and emotionally.
Third, the experience of shared giving provides excellent planning, time management, and sequencing exercises in both sets of brains! In order for this to reach its maximum benefit, parents of little children must include them in the entire process although the parent retains the final say in decisions. Yes, it is much easier to just purchase something and tell a child the family is giving this item, but that robs so much opportunity for growth from the child’s brain as well as from the relationship. Talk through the steps for purchase and the budget. Allow the child to invest what they can even if it is only 50 cents. The more repetition with smaller items, the more a child will grow especially in self-restraint to be able to keep the surprise! Discuss the steps for wrapping. Will one person have to distract the recipient while the other person wraps or can they find a time to work to wrap as a team when the recipient is nowhere around? How will they deliver the package if it is a physical gift? Will it be an anonymous drop off or a face-to-face delivery? All of these discussions exercise and strengthen both the younger and older brains.
In conclusion, shared giving is one of the most meaningful and natural ways to build up brain function in each individual of a parent-child relationship as well as strengthen the bond of the relationship! It can do wonders for marriage relationship as well when truly working as a team. This year, let’s step out and join with one or two others in a couple of gifts rather than doing it all alone!
Optional Scripture: Luke 6:38, 2 Corinthians 6:6-15; and Acts 20:35.