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Exchange the tears of missing someone for laughter and goodness through this fun tradition! This simple game helps calm parents and kids by lessening the impact of distance. Text or phone access can extend play by allowing you to share an experience simultaneously or send photos! It is useful with all ages in instances of long distance friendships, when kids go to camp or parents are deployed, visitation scenarios with co-parenting, or with grandparents and uncles/aunts! Even adults can enjoy it- while at college, between siblings or with parents!!! It has often helped with separation anxiety too! These things all prepare for the eventual separation caused by death. The more we plan and practice honoring and missing each other with short separations; the more options we can stir love, joy, peace, and smiles - even if not laughter - with the tears during the longest separations. As you complete the activity, be sure to note each person’s wishes and post them somewhere easily accessible for when emergency separations like hospitalizations occur. (i.e. medicine cabinet).
**There is a special population of kids who lose one or both parents at a young age and there is a special population of parents who lose their children at a young age. These scenarios are much more delicate but can still benefit from sharing this activity to learn how the other person would like to be missed and celebrated. This does not take the place of trained counselors to walk with people through these events but it can lay beneficial groundwork for siblings and the family members as well. It can also be used alongside counseling with a supportive caregiver after death of a significant family member. When playing and brainstorming together about missing each other or being missed, focus on the more temporary separations and write them down. They will naturally carryover into the longer separations of hospitalization or death if the resource is on hand and accessible.
**If you are privileged to be with a child and they are missing another adult, you can guide them through this process to honor little things they do or enjoy because of that person being part of their story. Let us move into the activity.
Key Idea:
“Dr. Seuss said: ‘Don’t cry because it is over; smile because it happened.’ When you miss me, I want you to smile because you knew me.”
Purpose:
1) Bonding / Perspective - you will learn more about each other (i.e. favorites and little preferences) even across miles and over time
2) Consideration - practice genuineness and authenticity in celebrating any gift of time together in consideration of the “missed” person
3)Patience/ Anticipation - these little remembrances help the waiting for the reunion but also provide active “anticipation”
Link:
optional Scripture- 1 Thessalonians 2:17-20, Luke 22:19
common objects link - try and use some every day objects so you can be missed easily and as often as needed
PLA Steps:
1) Build basic lists and keep them handy (i.e. taped inside the medicine cabinet)Both people brainstorm how you want to be remembered/missed (Categories: 3 silly ways, 3 Quotes or Scriptures, 3 small treats, 1 chore you love and 1 you dislike, 1 common thing in nature, a small sketch idea i.e. Smiley Face, or anything else you want associated with you) Jot them down. Try to think of at least one thing for each of the five senses and a sentimental thought. Then the other person say one way they would like to actively “miss” the person and get “permission” to do that in there honor. Note that as well. Post the list of family members and missions in the medicine cabinet for easy access.
2) When about to separate, request a new mission and make a plan! Add to the list or even edit your list before you leave. Ideas for this can be to request family members listen to a newly released song you like, eat a new favorite treat, or tell each other a new joke you learned. If phone access is possible during the separation, text each other for other missions and with silly mission completion videos. If texting is not possible, simply choose an activity from the “missed’ one’s list and enjoy doing it.
Mom/Dad: When we miss you while you‘re gone, what is the “miss-ion”?
Son: Answer your next telephone call using funny voice in honor of me!”
Bro: I miss you! What is my miss-ion?
Sis: Eat 1 purple, 1 red, and 1 orange Skittle together in honor of me and smile!
Mom: I miss you so I just googled silly joke about ___________. This was it:
Q: What is a pirate’s favorite restaurant? A: A-r-r-r-r-r-rby’s!
Child: I miss Mom!
Dad: “why don’t we go hunt a rock together to add to our collection? Because Mom loves rocks and if she could be with us, she would enjoy that!”
Ideas to help you brainstorm your own “ miss-you missions’:
SILLY
-Turn something upside down in your office (i.e. tape dispenser, stapler)
-Answer phone call with with funny voice
-Shoot paper balls in wastebasket
- Find a shape in clouds
-Play in the rain
-google jokes about any topic
SENTIMENTAL (each of these should consider the favorites or likes of the missed person)
-Simple sketch
-Find something in nature (rock, bird, tree, flower)
-Eat favorite treat
-Read this quote, verse, etc. or listen to this song
THOUGHTFUL
-Do favorite chore of the missed person ( Take out trash and be thankful for trash company ; wipe counter and be thankful for soap)
-Give something small to someone else but in honor of the missed person.
-Share favorite jokes with someone or see how many strangers you can get to smile by just smiling at them in honor of the missed person.
May we PLA well so we can remember, honor, and celebrate with greater joy, thankfulness, and true connection!