Key Purpose Highlight: Leadership

“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity.” - 1 Timothy 4:12

“You can do what I cannot do. I can do what you cannot do. Together we can do great things.” - Mother Theresa

I have an extremely fond memory of helping a young friend work through a Bible lesson. They were around 8 years old and it was at VBS or other similar environment. The activities and discussion involved Jesus eating with tax collectors and sinners and then these people following him. There was a question about how Jesus felt when people would follow him. You and I know the writer was trying to elicit how happy this made Jesus. However, with all the innocence you can imagine, my friend earnestly shared that Jesus did not want to be followed. The perception they received from the lesson was from their own thoughts and imaginings of being followed — of people creeping around behind them like spies or something. “Who would want that?!?!?!”

Leadership is funny! Lots of people try to master it; there are many teachings on it; and our culture often holds it in high esteem. But how do we use it in connecting with our kids? Leadership involves both leading and following. Related strengths can naturally be observed in some kids more than others. Adults can be found all around putting kids in “boxes” and under “labels” concerning their leadership skills. However, whether they are more naturally gifted at leading or following, kids will be required to do both for the 18 years with their parents as well as all throughout life. Having leadership as a key target in mind when playing with our kids helps to give them practice in both sides of leadership, choosing whom to lead and whom to follow as well as what activities to lead and where to follow other more skilled authorities.

In order to target leadership skills in our connections we must understand that it is a mid-level development skill. This means it builds upon foundational skills like consideration, listening, planning, and narration. But leadership understanding is required for later developing skills like sequencing and for moving from parallel play (where kids play different things side by side) to more social play (where they interact together with same ideas or objects). As we intentionally give our kids fun practice in both leading and following it makes them stronger and more well-rounded. Many of the PLAtime bags and boxes have leadership as a key target, but let’s explore some other activities where leadership practice can be a goal in our daily connections.

Play classic “Follow the Leader”. Take turns and use the timer to ensure that adults practice following and kids practice leading for the same amount of time.
Role play where a kid is the parent and a parent is the child. Use finger puppets or figurines to make this more manageable. You can change the levels of complexity and let children experinence how it feels to lead someone who is not a great follower by not listening well sometimes. This will also help them practice gently correcting someone or helpfully clarifying their instructions. Be sure to do this without a sense of mocking them. Just let them experience the differences in how much more fun you can accomplish when everyone follows immediately well versus when there is delay and disorder.
Have the child lead you through an obstacle course with your eyes closed. Then switch roles. If they try to take you through something that is too small for them, have them reconsider their “follower” and find something more appropriate for everyone. This builds consideration further.
Allow them to plan their birthday. This is not just about a party! Broaden their thinking beyond a party with questions like “How should we celebrate this past year that God has given you?” “Would you like for the whole family to enjoy doing something you just learned to do this year- like riding bikes or ice skating?” “Is there an experience or trip we could take to commemorate a milestone?” or as a favorite mentor encouraged me,” just let them choose the menu for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and a schedule of games throughout the day!” All of these require the child to guide and the adult to follow (within reason and budget). Do this months in advance to allow for dreaming, envisioning, and modifying to occur.
Include them in the planning of a meal or the purchase of a gift for someone. Try to stick as closely to their directions as possible even if the literal meaning does not get what they really wanted originally. This will help them grow and provide clearer directions later.
Dance with them! Dads lead daughters rather than just let them stand on your feet. Moms allow your boys to lead. Watch some tips and tricks on you tube to with what to do with hands to communicate with your dance partner.
Set a play “appointment” for Tuesday at 3 (for younger kids - 30 minutes to an hour from now and set timer). Tell them they will be in charge of what you are playing. This means they set up all the needed toys and then you will come and meet them and play whatever they want. This type of play will likely require turn-taking of them leading and you adding your own ideas that they follow. This lets them practice more developed social play where one minute they lead and your follow but the next minute, roles change.

May we all (adults included) use play to practice and sharpen both our leading and following skills to PLA well!