PLAtime with Multiple Children: Part 3

For families with Littles and Tweens/Teens (4 years- 12th grade)

 

I can hear what you’re thinking, trying to get older kids engaged with younger siblings is a fairytale wish. The maturity difference between my 6-year-old and 13-year-old can seem insurmountable at times, but I understand that the relationship they forge over the next few years will be the basis of how they interact into adulthood.

Most parents think of sibling relationships within an age gap of no more than 5 years.  Often, however, we see families come in all variations with age gaps exceeding 15 years. With these age differences, there are strategic things that parents can do to facilitate and invest in the relationships between their older and younger children.  Beyond the rites of passage traditions of babysitting and doing things for them, I believe we can equip them with social techniques and shared experiences that will not only develop lasting relationships, but inform skills your older kids can use for a lifetime.

The following are ways to utilize the PLAtime activities and concepts while simultaneously instilling belief in your teen and growing their leadership skills.

PLANNING

When the box first arrives, before playing/sharing with your younger kids, take your tween/teen out for lunch/coffee. During this time, let them look through the box knowing they get first pick and can choose one activity to do with a younger sibling each month (they can rotate which sibling to engage once per month).  Ask them if they have any ideas to add to personalize the activity more to that specific sibling’s interest and offer to add needed supplies within $5 range.  This fosters an excellent mental and emotional environment to grow consideration, planning, and executive function into your older child.

Agree on a time to set aside for the siblings to play the activity. Challenge teens to notice if these few minutes, giving their all, diminishes the “annoying” ways their siblings attempt to get their attention.

STRUCTURE:

Help the older sibling to initiate the set aside time with the younger sibling. Engage the other siblings if any in alone time or PLAtime to allow the older sibling to focus on the activity with one sibling.

ADVANCE:

Set the timer clearly communicating that the oldest is giving the youngest some of their time but when the timer goes off, the younger must respect it and allow their sibling to return to homework or other life responsibilities.  Guard your teen’s time and communicate your respect for them by helping them wrap up.

RETURN:

After clean up or pack up the activity, ask them both to recount their favorite parts to you over a snack or soda.

REPEAT:

Have the older sibling repeat the same activity with another sibling later. Follow the same pattern to establish time and activity as outlined above.

ALTERNATE PLANS:

1) If there is an activity that you think your teen would have really enjoyed when younger, tell them you found something that reminded you of them when they were younger.  Share with them the memory of them playing in a similar way and see if their curiosity is peaked. It will connect you and you may even find yourselves in a spontaneous session reconnecting with your inner children.

2) Set out two activity cards and the needed items when the older children babysit their younger sibling. Let them choose which one or both they do in your absence…ask them both about it when you get home…not all activities will be liked by every child…some may even discuss how much they disliked an activity TOGETHER.  Don’t be disappointed –that is bonding too! Shared experience doesn’t always have to be storybook perfect to connect people together.

PLAtime boxes are designed to be engaging and facilitate relational consistency.  We believe these activates enable that consistency between siblings as well as parents. Siblings having fun together and sharing experiences build lasting relationships that will move beyond the address where your children reside.

If you haven’t already, use the above with our Try It Free activity and send us your feedback.

Stay up to date: Our Babysitter Box (coming soon) will be a great tool for your teenager who cares for other children. Developing a relationship between them and the kids they keep will make them the babysitter of choice and teach them to facilitate relational engagement and investing time in others.

PLA well

PLAtime With Multiples: Part 2

For families with Elementary-Aged Children(K-5th)

As a parent, this stage of life often begins to hone our executive management skills!  It is exciting to watch our kid’s natural progression as they develop friendships, but we feel the tension between spending our time with friends versus family. This is often the point that we begin to see our kids schedule fill up with activities that make it difficult to find intentional time to be together to develop our family relationships. I have learned that intentional effort is necessary for maintaining strong connections to each one of my children as they grow.  Friend time and activities are fantastic, but they can swallow up all of life including parent/child time and sibling time if they are not guarded.

Using the activities created for the PLAtime box most efficiently with my elementary siblings, I found it useful to follow the plan below.

Planning: Have a plan that you stick to most of the time. This will be messy and imperfect but set aside one hour each week; it can be back-to-back all in one afternoon or 30 minutes one afternoon and 30 minutes another (i.e. Tuesday, Thursday) Guard this hour from homework, friends, and extracurricular activities.  During the summer, it can be one morning each week.  Plan a time that you know you can be consistent.

Read over the PLA Activity card you have selected for this week and have your needed item(s) out and ready. Choose at least one Extended PLA option from the back of the Activity Card for a 30 minutes target.

Structure: Get all but one child settled into Alone Time activities (See Alone Time blog post for more details.)

Advance: During the first 30 minute section of the hour, engage one child with one Activity. In second 30 minute time slot, have “Sibling Time” where that child leads the other(s) in the activity they already did with you.

The next week rotate children with a new activity from the box.  Doing this will build planning as well as following/leading experience into each of the children. Personalization of activities builds both consideration and budgeting experience into the Leader.  Be sure to bestow authority to whoever is leading at the beginning of your “Sibling Time” so all the children know who the leader will be and it will empower you child to lead.

If you plan to do this on separate days it allows for the option to ask that week’s Lead Child if there is a way they would like to personalize the activity for their sibling and you can offer to buy extra supplies up to $3-5 for their ideas. Go over the cost of any items they recommend beginning to give them an idea of how things are priced.

Return When you have completed all the activities in a box over a six or seven week timeframe, use the final week to play a favorite activity from each person all together with parents and children.

***Note: There is only one Ninja Drop item in each box.  You will need to be careful to rotate children in a way that someone different is a Ninja each month. Alternatively, that becomes a family activity where everyone participates in the drop. 

Since time is often limited PLAtime boxes are always geared at capturing a small amount of time for consistent impact. The planning and the purchasing are already done so you can invest the time with your kids. If you haven’t already, try the steps above with our Try it Free activity.

PLA well

PLAtime with Multiple Children: Part 1

To Parents with arms full of littles (Birth -3)…

Over the next couple of weeks we are going to walk through some practical uses of PLAtime boxes when you have multiple children. Knowing that summer is coming and all our kids are going to be home and want our attention, these posts will equip you for maximum relational investment with each child. We are going to start with some help for those of you with arms full of little ones.

I hear your heart, and as my three kids have grown through the years I have even lived similar worries.  Clearly communicating that your older kids have not been replaced and being sure the younger ones learn all they need to know can be daunting. Trying to give everyone equal time and opportunity while trying to encourage their self-sufficiency is hard to do. Additionally, trying to get them to love each other and play together rather than fight over a toy neither one really wants is exhausting. Your heart wants to spend quality one-on-one time with each child but there is a predominantly squeaky one that requires you for nourishment.  So how do you balance?

When I was in your season here are some ways I would use activities like we have included in our Summer Box to create time with my kids and between my kids. Doing this consistently not only gave me the time I wanted with my kids, it allowed us to grow closer throughout the summer.

Planning -While your infant naps, prepare a transition activity and set it aside (i.e. storytime, snuggletime, bath time, puzzles, sharing preschool jokes/riddles, playdoh, coloring, etc.). Choose something that everyone likes to do together.

Structure - If you have a third child, teach them “alone time” with some special toys you keep packed away just for those alone moments. (See our blog on “Alone Time” for how to use this concept in your family) 

Advance - Now, engage this week’s targeted child with only one activity from the newest PLAtime box.  Set a gentle vibrating timer on your phone for 15 – 20 minutes. Empty out a corner of a room by kicking the toys out of the way and sit side by side with your child so neither of you can see the rest of the toys (or the house)- just the clean cornerJ . Follow the PLA Steps and be fully together. If you chose to do so, silently think on the Scripture and invite God into your time.

Return -When the timer tells you to wrap up, begin to clean up. While cleaning, help your child dream out loud about when they get to play with or lead their siblings in the activity. If the sibling is an infant who must grow, use phrases like “wont’ it be fun when _______ can build with you while mommy works”; “what are you most excited to play with _________?” “You two will have so much fun together!” Collect the alone time participant and move through the transition activity into free play/mom work time until the youngest wakes.

-OPTION 1 DEBRIEF: At snacktime, when the youngest is secured in a high chair or seat, ask the child to tell the siblings about what you did during PLAtime and maybe show them an item that would be safe for the infant to hold (because they will want itJ).  Ask the child to share their favorite part that they are most excited to play with their siblings while you help the youngest eat. This will give you an opportunity to hear what your child enjoyed from the activity as well as repeating it for their memory and building their sibling relationship.

-OPTION 2 DEBRIEF: while you feed the baby, let the child you did the activity with lead the other child through it in the same room; only give cues when absolutely necessary or for safety; alternate weeks with each child.

At PLAtime we want you to enjoy the time with your kids this summer. Our Boxes and Activities come ready to use and fully equipped for relational learning and fun. If you haven’t downloaded our free activity, try it from our shop. If you have any questions shoot us an email at the address below on how we can help.

Be sure to subscribe to our blog to be notified of new content.

PLA well

Alone Time

© 2017 www.PLAtimebox.com

**note: The “Alone Time” concept is to be used while caregivers are still nearby just not engaged in the activity. Caregivers can be in another room but this is not meant for kids to be left home completely alone. It models parents being alone also but to be a model, the learner must be able to see the example.**

Alone Time is such a simple thing to implement but has huge gains for our kids. As a

Speech Therapist, when I would first introduce the concept parents often had

doubts, but would later list it as one of the best things they learned from Caregiver

Training. Most people fall into one of two categories:

1. Need it – These are people that need alone time or they get relationally drained.

2. Hate it – These are people who get energy from others and hate being alone, but they will find benefit in the practice as well. Sometimes in life, we find ourselves alone... and we must be able to make the best of it.

Spiritually, it is amazing to realize God never leaves us. He enjoys time with us when reading His Word but also in playing and engaging with how we move and grow and imagine. Psalm 139:7 shows how He is always there but how do we fully embrace that if we can’t stand to be away from people.

Socially it is helpful if people can process being alone and then, when the time has

ended, transition into interactions with others. Siblings who begin to

understand that other family members need space gain consideration

and can use it in friendships and later in marriage. As our kids gain this self-awareness

of alone time recharging them, they can use this throughout their lives to help

manage various relationships.  Once Alone Time is established into the daily routine, it

becomes even easier to implement PLAtime with one child at a time.  While others are

engaged in Alone Time, engage one child in a PLA activity from the box.  Later in the week, 

set up for Sibling Time where that child leads the sibling(s) through the activity while you 

wrap up a work task or chore.

Today, I spent the morning planning for our Alone Times this summer using the

concepts outlined below. Since my boys are a bit older this summer they will be

gone much more than in summers past but I still organized some bins for them. So,

with summer right around the corner here are 5 Things about Alone Time to help

you plan it into your family:

1. It can be trained at any age- but the younger, the better. Small toddlers can be trained, especially with a Pack-n-Play. For older kids, special pillows or beanbag chairs are great and can only be used for “Alone Time”.

2. 20-40 minutes seems to be a great dosage for most people. Some will naturally get more and some less each day but knowing that a certain timeframe is set aside and guarded is so helpful.

3. Supplies for “Alone Time” are only used during this time and not any other, especially for small children. If something can’t be cleaned up completely, it must be left to be completed during a later “Alone Time” session. I use what we already have at home and divide into bins for each kid prior to school ending, plus I will purchase a couple new items from the Dollar Tree. We also keep library books in these bins so we always know where they are and so we can read during Alone time if we choose.

4. People do not have to necessarily be separated into different rooms; it is most successful when everyone in the family does it simultaneously. Our optimal time during summer season is after we have spent the day at the pool and have come home, just before starting dinner. When the kids were younger, it was usually when the baby dropped that morning nap. For clients, they have used it immediately when getting home from work and picking up kids from daycare; 20 minutes before they tackled homework and worked on dinner preparation. A quiet home with no conversation or electronics is ideal for alone time at lease until middle school. When oldest is in middle, that may be the only time they have a minute to themselves to listen to music or play a video game without interruption, so use screens according to the child’s age, trying your best to encourage them to use other items.

5. Alone time can be entertaining but as children grow, it can also be used for project completion or life/spiritual discipline.

Suggested lengths/items for Alone Time by age (gradually add by one minute to increase as they grow):

6 months -18 months (10-15 minutes) in a pack-n-play

shape sorters, teethers, soft books, peek-a- boo or pop-up toys or books

baby stuffed toys that have magnets or Velcro where hands and feet stick together

multi-sided block or ball with different textures

Piggy bank with large plastic coins to drop in take out

18 months – 3 years ( 15-25 minutes) in safe ,room with baby gate

books, Zip-snap-button toys, Sensory Box, Puzzles, Wire coaster toys

any of the 6-18 month listed above after they had been put away for at least one month so they seem new again to the child

PreK-Kindergarten (30 minutes)

Books, Dry Erase Board and eraser, Magna Doodle, Peg toys

Blocks, Magnet Letters/ Numbers and cookie sheet, simple dot-to- dot,

simple mazes, tracing activities inside clear sleeves with dry erase marker

Elementary School Age (30-45 minutes)

Deck of cards (to practice shuffle and deal, solitaire, or magic tricks)

U magnet with small objects or magnet scene sets

Sketch pad and pencils, Books

Stress ball, Building Sets,  Stick-on Manicure items or jewelry,   Finger football set

Paper for paper ball trick shots and cup,  Beading kits, Circuit sets

Mini pinball games

Middle School Age- High School age (30-45 minutes)

Books, Brain Teasers, Card deck, Devotionals,  Journals

Magazines of interest,  Info on collections/interests,  Ear buds

Mani/pedi items,  Desk games from Office Supply stores

Video games, I-Tunes gift cards,

other hobby and interest items (i.e. instruments, etc.)