PLAtime With Multiples: Part 2

For families with Elementary-Aged Children(K-5th)

As a parent, this stage of life often begins to hone our executive management skills!  It is exciting to watch our kid’s natural progression as they develop friendships, but we feel the tension between spending our time with friends versus family. This is often the point that we begin to see our kids schedule fill up with activities that make it difficult to find intentional time to be together to develop our family relationships. I have learned that intentional effort is necessary for maintaining strong connections to each one of my children as they grow.  Friend time and activities are fantastic, but they can swallow up all of life including parent/child time and sibling time if they are not guarded.

Using the activities created for the PLAtime box most efficiently with my elementary siblings, I found it useful to follow the plan below.

Planning: Have a plan that you stick to most of the time. This will be messy and imperfect but set aside one hour each week; it can be back-to-back all in one afternoon or 30 minutes one afternoon and 30 minutes another (i.e. Tuesday, Thursday) Guard this hour from homework, friends, and extracurricular activities.  During the summer, it can be one morning each week.  Plan a time that you know you can be consistent.

Read over the PLA Activity card you have selected for this week and have your needed item(s) out and ready. Choose at least one Extended PLA option from the back of the Activity Card for a 30 minutes target.

Structure: Get all but one child settled into Alone Time activities (See Alone Time blog post for more details.)

Advance: During the first 30 minute section of the hour, engage one child with one Activity. In second 30 minute time slot, have “Sibling Time” where that child leads the other(s) in the activity they already did with you.

The next week rotate children with a new activity from the box.  Doing this will build planning as well as following/leading experience into each of the children. Personalization of activities builds both consideration and budgeting experience into the Leader.  Be sure to bestow authority to whoever is leading at the beginning of your “Sibling Time” so all the children know who the leader will be and it will empower you child to lead.

If you plan to do this on separate days it allows for the option to ask that week’s Lead Child if there is a way they would like to personalize the activity for their sibling and you can offer to buy extra supplies up to $3-5 for their ideas. Go over the cost of any items they recommend beginning to give them an idea of how things are priced.

Return When you have completed all the activities in a box over a six or seven week timeframe, use the final week to play a favorite activity from each person all together with parents and children.

***Note: There is only one Ninja Drop item in each box.  You will need to be careful to rotate children in a way that someone different is a Ninja each month. Alternatively, that becomes a family activity where everyone participates in the drop. 

Since time is often limited PLAtime boxes are always geared at capturing a small amount of time for consistent impact. The planning and the purchasing are already done so you can invest the time with your kids. If you haven’t already, try the steps above with our Try it Free activity.

PLA well

PLAtime with Multiple Children: Part 1

To Parents with arms full of littles (Birth -3)…

Over the next couple of weeks we are going to walk through some practical uses of PLAtime boxes when you have multiple children. Knowing that summer is coming and all our kids are going to be home and want our attention, these posts will equip you for maximum relational investment with each child. We are going to start with some help for those of you with arms full of little ones.

I hear your heart, and as my three kids have grown through the years I have even lived similar worries.  Clearly communicating that your older kids have not been replaced and being sure the younger ones learn all they need to know can be daunting. Trying to give everyone equal time and opportunity while trying to encourage their self-sufficiency is hard to do. Additionally, trying to get them to love each other and play together rather than fight over a toy neither one really wants is exhausting. Your heart wants to spend quality one-on-one time with each child but there is a predominantly squeaky one that requires you for nourishment.  So how do you balance?

When I was in your season here are some ways I would use activities like we have included in our Summer Box to create time with my kids and between my kids. Doing this consistently not only gave me the time I wanted with my kids, it allowed us to grow closer throughout the summer.

Planning -While your infant naps, prepare a transition activity and set it aside (i.e. storytime, snuggletime, bath time, puzzles, sharing preschool jokes/riddles, playdoh, coloring, etc.). Choose something that everyone likes to do together.

Structure - If you have a third child, teach them “alone time” with some special toys you keep packed away just for those alone moments. (See our blog on “Alone Time” for how to use this concept in your family) 

Advance - Now, engage this week’s targeted child with only one activity from the newest PLAtime box.  Set a gentle vibrating timer on your phone for 15 – 20 minutes. Empty out a corner of a room by kicking the toys out of the way and sit side by side with your child so neither of you can see the rest of the toys (or the house)- just the clean cornerJ . Follow the PLA Steps and be fully together. If you chose to do so, silently think on the Scripture and invite God into your time.

Return -When the timer tells you to wrap up, begin to clean up. While cleaning, help your child dream out loud about when they get to play with or lead their siblings in the activity. If the sibling is an infant who must grow, use phrases like “wont’ it be fun when _______ can build with you while mommy works”; “what are you most excited to play with _________?” “You two will have so much fun together!” Collect the alone time participant and move through the transition activity into free play/mom work time until the youngest wakes.

-OPTION 1 DEBRIEF: At snacktime, when the youngest is secured in a high chair or seat, ask the child to tell the siblings about what you did during PLAtime and maybe show them an item that would be safe for the infant to hold (because they will want itJ).  Ask the child to share their favorite part that they are most excited to play with their siblings while you help the youngest eat. This will give you an opportunity to hear what your child enjoyed from the activity as well as repeating it for their memory and building their sibling relationship.

-OPTION 2 DEBRIEF: while you feed the baby, let the child you did the activity with lead the other child through it in the same room; only give cues when absolutely necessary or for safety; alternate weeks with each child.

At PLAtime we want you to enjoy the time with your kids this summer. Our Boxes and Activities come ready to use and fully equipped for relational learning and fun. If you haven’t downloaded our free activity, try it from our shop. If you have any questions shoot us an email at the address below on how we can help.

Be sure to subscribe to our blog to be notified of new content.

PLA well

Alone Time

© 2017 www.PLAtimebox.com

**note: The “Alone Time” concept is to be used while caregivers are still nearby just not engaged in the activity. Caregivers can be in another room but this is not meant for kids to be left home completely alone. It models parents being alone also but to be a model, the learner must be able to see the example.**

Alone Time is such a simple thing to implement but has huge gains for our kids. As a

Speech Therapist, when I would first introduce the concept parents often had

doubts, but would later list it as one of the best things they learned from Caregiver

Training. Most people fall into one of two categories:

1. Need it – These are people that need alone time or they get relationally drained.

2. Hate it – These are people who get energy from others and hate being alone, but they will find benefit in the practice as well. Sometimes in life, we find ourselves alone... and we must be able to make the best of it.

Spiritually, it is amazing to realize God never leaves us. He enjoys time with us when reading His Word but also in playing and engaging with how we move and grow and imagine. Psalm 139:7 shows how He is always there but how do we fully embrace that if we can’t stand to be away from people.

Socially it is helpful if people can process being alone and then, when the time has

ended, transition into interactions with others. Siblings who begin to

understand that other family members need space gain consideration

and can use it in friendships and later in marriage. As our kids gain this self-awareness

of alone time recharging them, they can use this throughout their lives to help

manage various relationships.  Once Alone Time is established into the daily routine, it

becomes even easier to implement PLAtime with one child at a time.  While others are

engaged in Alone Time, engage one child in a PLA activity from the box.  Later in the week, 

set up for Sibling Time where that child leads the sibling(s) through the activity while you 

wrap up a work task or chore.

Today, I spent the morning planning for our Alone Times this summer using the

concepts outlined below. Since my boys are a bit older this summer they will be

gone much more than in summers past but I still organized some bins for them. So,

with summer right around the corner here are 5 Things about Alone Time to help

you plan it into your family:

1. It can be trained at any age- but the younger, the better. Small toddlers can be trained, especially with a Pack-n-Play. For older kids, special pillows or beanbag chairs are great and can only be used for “Alone Time”.

2. 20-40 minutes seems to be a great dosage for most people. Some will naturally get more and some less each day but knowing that a certain timeframe is set aside and guarded is so helpful.

3. Supplies for “Alone Time” are only used during this time and not any other, especially for small children. If something can’t be cleaned up completely, it must be left to be completed during a later “Alone Time” session. I use what we already have at home and divide into bins for each kid prior to school ending, plus I will purchase a couple new items from the Dollar Tree. We also keep library books in these bins so we always know where they are and so we can read during Alone time if we choose.

4. People do not have to necessarily be separated into different rooms; it is most successful when everyone in the family does it simultaneously. Our optimal time during summer season is after we have spent the day at the pool and have come home, just before starting dinner. When the kids were younger, it was usually when the baby dropped that morning nap. For clients, they have used it immediately when getting home from work and picking up kids from daycare; 20 minutes before they tackled homework and worked on dinner preparation. A quiet home with no conversation or electronics is ideal for alone time at lease until middle school. When oldest is in middle, that may be the only time they have a minute to themselves to listen to music or play a video game without interruption, so use screens according to the child’s age, trying your best to encourage them to use other items.

5. Alone time can be entertaining but as children grow, it can also be used for project completion or life/spiritual discipline.

Suggested lengths/items for Alone Time by age (gradually add by one minute to increase as they grow):

6 months -18 months (10-15 minutes) in a pack-n-play

shape sorters, teethers, soft books, peek-a- boo or pop-up toys or books

baby stuffed toys that have magnets or Velcro where hands and feet stick together

multi-sided block or ball with different textures

Piggy bank with large plastic coins to drop in take out

18 months – 3 years ( 15-25 minutes) in safe ,room with baby gate

books, Zip-snap-button toys, Sensory Box, Puzzles, Wire coaster toys

any of the 6-18 month listed above after they had been put away for at least one month so they seem new again to the child

PreK-Kindergarten (30 minutes)

Books, Dry Erase Board and eraser, Magna Doodle, Peg toys

Blocks, Magnet Letters/ Numbers and cookie sheet, simple dot-to- dot,

simple mazes, tracing activities inside clear sleeves with dry erase marker

Elementary School Age (30-45 minutes)

Deck of cards (to practice shuffle and deal, solitaire, or magic tricks)

U magnet with small objects or magnet scene sets

Sketch pad and pencils, Books

Stress ball, Building Sets,  Stick-on Manicure items or jewelry,   Finger football set

Paper for paper ball trick shots and cup,  Beading kits, Circuit sets

Mini pinball games

Middle School Age- High School age (30-45 minutes)

Books, Brain Teasers, Card deck, Devotionals,  Journals

Magazines of interest,  Info on collections/interests,  Ear buds

Mani/pedi items,  Desk games from Office Supply stores

Video games, I-Tunes gift cards,

other hobby and interest items (i.e. instruments, etc.)

Rotation for Communication!

© 2017 www.PLAtimebox.com

These methods work really great to create moments for your child to communicate, to minimize over-stimulation for both you and for them, and to really let your child spend quality time with each toy that someone has given. It also helps to keep the pieces together and be truly enjoyed to their fullest potential. No matter what or how you allocate play space, we have some great tips for using your kid’s play area to enhance their communication. 

First, sort all toys into four groups. 

• “Favorites” - 4-6 of each child's current favorites

• “Quiets” - Toys they can play quietly while you are handling bills or some other business. (magnetic or dry erase boards, puzzles, play-doh,etc.

• “Gigantics” - Large toys (i.e. kitchens, car tracks, work benches, doll houses etc.)

• “Fillers”- The remaining/left overs/everything else

Next, store the groups in various locations. 

• In Reach/Accessible Items: Put 2-3 from their “Favorites” in a reachable location down on floor, a bench, or low bookshelf. Add two more from the “Fillers” group to the shelf or floor. The “Gigantics” will also remain easily accessible and nearby (because there is nowhere else for them to go, but put their accessories in a container stored on closet shelf or nearby).

• Quiet Items: Box up the “Quiets” group or put in a cabinet where they can’t be reached or seen. (Empty Diaper boxes are great for concealing these in closet shelves until needed.)

• Shelf Items: Combine the other 3-4 from their “Favorites” with 2-3 “Fillers” and place them on a high shelf where they can be seen but not reached (free-hanging display shelf or closet shelf or put them in extra extra large clear Ziploc bags hanging in closet)

       *******for safety, don't place on top of a bookshelf or dresser that can be climbed*********

• Packed Away Items: Pack up the rest in Rubbermaid boxes that are not clear and put away. (or empty diaper boxes)

Each group promotes the following:

• Accessible/"In Reach" Group promotes independence for both play and cleanup. It is less likely to over-stimulate (both child and parent) because there are only around 8 things out for play choices or clean up.

• Quiet Group promotes child’s ability to play alone, making choices, and increases attention span. When you are anticipating taking care of a phone call or a something else, choose four quiet toys and lay them out while child is not around. Before you address your task, let your child choose two items and tell them they must play with them until you complete your task. The novelty of not having them always available often extends their attention to them. Be sure to try and finish your task within 15-30 minutes (setting a timer for myself helps me) and immediately put away those quiet toys. For younger children, pause after 15 minutes and let them exchange for 2 more toys.

• Shelf Group promotes requesting and cleaning up something before getting out something else. Tell your child they can have these toys whenever they want them but they must ask for help getting them and they must trade one of the "In Reach" toys for a shelf item. For children under 3, accepting a gesture or point to an item is communicating as long as not screaming or grunting and should be rewarded by giving them the item . As they age, require some letter type sound with the gesture gradually moving to the word. Do not accept crying, screaming or whining. If they haven't said the word but you know what they want, play confused. Take the wanted item and a second one off the shelf and give them a choice, saying each word as a model. "Do you want the monkey or the bear?" Accept a point and sound attempt close to the word and give them the item they desire.

• Packed Away Group creates novelty which often elicits the Child's initiation of communication. It should remain packed away for a month. At the beginning of each month, during nap, TV time or while they are away, switch out the toys. Box up the “Shelf group”, moving the “In Reach/Accessible group” to the shelf, and the Packed group to the floor/bench / low bookshelf. Be sure to consider their favorites in the swap and leave some favorites in reach. You don’t want to pack away something that will be terribly missed. As they discover the “new” toys, they will likely come and show you. Be prepared for interacting with them, asking them what they found? What color is it? What does it do? Ask them emotion questions to begin to teach emotional vocabulary. For instance, were they “surprised” to see their toys? Did it make them “excited”? Are they “grateful” that Mom/Dad unpacked them? Do they remember where and how they got that toy?

Bonus Rotations: When purchasing those "Gigantics" think about some alternative rotations for them. For example, a table could be for art, could be turned into salon or office, or a fort. A toy construction workbench could be changed to a grill with just a cooling rack and some food or it could become an office or have car tracks clamped to it. A kitchen could become a doctor's lab, a library (refrigerator becomes book shelves, sink is book return with the faucet as scanner.) Pack up each group of accessories to change out the  "Gigantic" and bring novelty back to them with each rotation. This promotes problem solving and out of the box thinking when children see their parents model these things in pretend play. It also encourages contentment because you don't have to buy each enormous toy to have the joy of playing that activity!

Ode to the Timer: Created for more than Time Out!

© 2017 www.PLAtimebox.com

One of my favorite "toys" to use with kids is the timer! It can be used for announcing good things and refocusing attention, as well as correction. Teaching kids to respect and value time increases their capacity for consideration of others while increasing their self-control or regulation.  Timers can assist in developing the following communication skills: 

• listening

• anticipation

• patience

• enduring a task

• completing a task

• working under timed pressure

• following a schedule

• focus

• planning

The timer PLAtime bag is stocked with 2 timers and 7 "toy-type" fun activities for you and your child to enjoy together while building communication and relationship skills. It is great to use first when kids are between 2 and 3 years old. Repeat around 2nd grade and when learning to tell time on a clock. Then repeat periodically in 3rd-5th grades as they increase their independence in time management for assignments.

The following are added "tool-type" uses for parents to use personally or with their children. Cell phone or microwave/oven timers are great to use for these goals.

• Set a timer for 2-10 minutes and work aggressively to finish a task (shorter times for younger children). Then set for 5 minutes and do something enjoyable! Rotate this repeatedly until the required task is complete. (It is amazing how many toys can be picked up or clothes can be folded in 5 minutes when a trampoline frenzy or dance party is rotated into the task! This ends the procrastination and lessens the drag time!) The rotation can also be great for homework!

• On Saturdays (or a day when your whole family is home), set it for every 2 hours in a manner your child will not hear (i.e. vibration of your cell phone). When it goes off, take a moment to be thankful for one family member. Reset and repeat. The next week when it goes off, make eye contact with one family member and smile at them each time it dings. The next Saturday say, "I love (admire, respect, etc.) you"; the next Saturday, each time it rings, do some other small gesture only you would do to communicate your care to each member through the day. Then challenge yourself to repeat all 4 things on one weekday if possible! Weekdays can be a bit harder with all the other things goin on!

• Use the timer to "announce" good things (i.e. "The cookies are cooled and ready to eat!” “It is time to leave for a friend’s house!”). Tell the kids to listen for the timer to know when they can come and enjoy!

• Have the timer go off as a gentle reminder that there are only 3 (or 5) minutes left before going to bed, getting in/out of bath, leaving for school, leaving the friend’s house, cleaning up from free play, etc and they need to do or gather any last minute things.

• If you are worrying over something or someone, set it to hourly and pray each time it sounds surrendering the worry of that hour.

• Set alarms for bedtime and awake time to keep you on a consistent rest cycle to maintain your relational strength.

• Immitate the “Trolls” movie and let everyone know that the timer will be signaling “HUG time” and participate in family hugs all around. Only do this on the occasional day for a couple hours or it may lose its humor and relational power. This is good in seasons where sibling rivalries seem to have increased in frequency.

Enjoy and maximize your time efficiency with these ideas! Feel free to add any of your own personal uses in the comments section.

Key Ideas to think and say to your kids while you play with time:

“See how much you can do in so little time!?!?!?”

“Look how much time we have left to free play now that we finished the _________(i.e. laundry, cleaning room, dishes, sweeping, dusting, etc.)!

“See how far you read and how much you know about the character when you kept reading the entire time!”

Optional Scriptures (for adults to ponder prior to and during play): Psalm 31:14-15; Colossians 4:5; Ephesians 5:15-16; Ecclesiastes 3:11; Galatians 6:9

Enjoy and PLA well!

Relational Rhythm

© 2017 www.PLAtimebox.com

Imagine your favorite song. Does it flow with the teamwork of several stringed instruments? Does it have a stong or soft beat? Now imagine someone dancing. Do their feet almost seem to me making the music happen? When multiple sounds or things contact repeatedly at just the right time in a fantastic pattern, beautiful unity is created!! It is the same in our relationships! 

Rhythmic relational contact creates unity and trust. The need for “consistency” is a term frequently used in parenting conversations but it often refers to discipline not relational connection. Kids and parents both benefit from consistent interactions. The regularity of sincere contact is more important than the specific activity in which you are participating, the duration of the activity, or the monetary cost.  Parents often believe that big outings, special items or long hours must be involved to make connections quality.  In truth, as little as ten minutes once per week of positive connection can have a huge impact on conflict resolution, correction, and daily task management as a family team. On average, people usually wait for relational connection to “just happen” rather than taking time to assess and plan for it.  This can lead to parents and children living months without smiling at one another. Monotonous questions at the end of the day receive lifeless answers of “fine” and the world goes along as parents and kids merely survive each day’s demands.  In his book, Scary Close, Donald Miller describes a mentor, Al, teaching him about all relationships being “teleological”. This means they are “living and alive and moving and becoming something.”  But it requires a choice, effort “guiding them to a healthy place” rather than allowing them to “take a natural course”.

So how can we the parents intentionally drive this rhythm?

Over the next couple of days, consciously investigate how often and when you and your child:

·      make eye contact (glares do not countJ)

·       smile at each other

·       share a common interest

·       share a laugh

·      share a frown/ tear.

Take that information and begin to build in these habits to relay value to your child:

·      Just before you wake them and before seeing them after school/work, mindfully anticipate reuniting. Set a reminder on your phone for 5 minutes before pick up, bus arrival, or you pulling in the driveway from work to help you transition your thoughts to them and away from your “to do” list. Consciously think about two of your favorite things about them. Your face will look drastically different when they first see you and it will affect your relationship when repeated in indescribable ways.

·      Look them in the eye, smile, and think to yourself “I believe in you, Kid!”

            (They will hear the message even though you are silent and maybe across            a crowded room!!!)

·      When you hand them something, intentionally make eye contact & smile

·      Find creative ways to ask them how their day was besides “How was your day?”  (My current favorite is: “If someone took people from your school far away for three months to a safe place, would you want to go or stay? If you want to stay, who would you prefer to be taken away? Why?” )

·      Ask “why” about everything!  (not in a second guessing, “you’re weird” kind of tone; just in an interested tone)

Make an effort to create a rhythm to connection in the life of your child. Cell phones offer great reminder and alarm software to keep you on course.

Bi- monthly breakfast “dates” could be supported by weekly 10 minute games of catch or darts, jumping on the trampoline, dance parties, sharing of jokes, walks with the pet, manicures/pedicures, dreaming about the grocery list, or completing a shared chore. Some card games have short rounds and one round can be played in 5-10 minutes.  (One of our favorites for a quick hand and lots of laughs is “Exploding Kittens”). Don’t be pressured to play an entire game; give yourself permission to enjoy just one round in the midst of life’s chaos.

            Get creative and consider both your interests and your child’s; share your vulnerabilities and short-comings; allow yourself to be known even as you get to know your child more and more. Target common interests and don’t be extremely rigid about sticking to the exact same time; just use it as a goal and look for rhythmic, repetition. Strive for patterned contact to keep communication lines open and free of debris.  Smile and enjoy the presence of your kids!

Heart Behind PLAtime

© 2017 www.PLAtimebox.com

Looking back over my life I have come to realize that I am a relational connector.  I love seeing people connect through significant relationships and this is never more true than in parent/child relationships. This was developed in me as a child, growing up with a Speech-Language Pathologist for a mom in a multigenerational home.  My playmates were often my elderly grandparents with whom I connected through the communication skills I learned from my mom.  I studied and became a licensed Speech-Language Pathologist myself. The brain astounds me and as I worked with neurologically compromised adults and developing children I became enamored with memory and all the effects of working and stretching the brain to keep memories fresh and meaningful. It is amazing to watch the most plain, ordinary object bring the biggest smile because it is connected in relational memory to a special moment or moments with a particularly special someone - even in a damaged brain! So why not use this design of the brain for healthy brains and build on it using common objects with special people repeatedly! As I tested this concept with typical pre-trauma families in my life, I have seen how these regular interactions can set a strong foundation for when (not if) life involves accident, illness, or injury.

Based on who I have become, PLAtime naturally comes from a deep admiration of relational connections and consistency. I enjoy:

• Quality time between people!

•  Kids and their imaginations!

• Watching the amazing take shape from the ordinary!

•  Parenting!

•  Building communication skills in children!

•  Helping generations discover intricacies about each other and remember them!

I realize that not everyone is wired like this! Others have strengths for math, for promotion, for organization and for technology, etc. that I have to depend on because I am not wired for any of that. However, my heart beats to assist you: the most important person in your child’s life, and connect you with them for a lifetime of love and learning.  Our team takes play and makes it the conduit to a relationship that lasts beyond your child’s address. PLAtime takes all that I have seen, learned, and continue to learn and casts visions for parents and children to increase their communication success and discover intricacies about themselves and each other, which can spill over into their other relationships. 

May we all enjoy PLA-ing well!